| ughhhhhh |
[Apr. 18th, 2006|07:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | mi casa | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | there it go | ] |
Have you ever had one of those days where EVERYTHING seems to go wrong, and everything pisses you off, and everyone you just want to shoot in the face? Well so far every day this week has been exactly like that. Just for some reason everything is putting me in a bad mood. Especially at dance. Lately I've been really unflexible, and on top of that my hips are fucked up as they are 'cause of the whole back issue. So basically...dance requires a lot of flexibility of the hip. which i do not have. so during class like ballet and jazz and point...i struggle with a lot of that. and it pisses me off so much to know that i cant do half the things that i could be doing if my bones and everything werent so messed up. luckily i have an orthopedic appointment in concord like may 19th or something. so thats good.
but im looking forward to this left over easter dinner...with pie. so im going to go sit on my ass and stuff my face. |
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| DANCE COMPETITION. |
[Apr. 3rd, 2006|07:21 pm] |
So this weekend was flipping AMAZING. Saturday morning I had to wake up early so I could pack and get ready and then head to littleton to get some sponsors for the pageant. Then everyone met with Ashley at the Union Bank in Littleton around noon. SKye, Hayley, Geneveve, Ashley and I all rode in her car and pretty much sang opera and listened to old school music the whole way down to Salem..which as always was entertaining. We all finally go to the red roof inn and it took over an hour to check in. Everyone waited outside on the curb and then it started to rain. So we blasted the music in Erins car and all danced in the rain, which was fun. so after that we got ready and went to the mall. oh lord. what a great time. hayley and skye -- i think you know EXACTLY what and WHO I'm talking about haha. anyways..so then we went back to the inn and i met up with my dad and sheryl. who surprised me and hid in the bathroom until 5 minutes after i was there. oh gosh it was fantastic. Sheryl and I made a quick trip to Walmart and almost got into an accident because she was driving onthe wrong side of the road haha. Once we got back I joined the rest of the girls and we practiced our dance, figured out our makeup, and just had a grand ol' time. Which basically means we didn't get more than 4 hours of sleep. Considering we had to wake up at 5 am in order to be at comp. by 7 30 and we performed at 9. it was so hectic and nerve racking .. but a lot of fun. we were number 2 and it went sooo well. the only thing we lacked was emotion. so we'll jsut have to work on that for next weekend. we got gold. heathers got high gold and a special award and kathys got gold plus a performance oppurtunity in new jersey. it was such a long day. one of the girls from the pageant was there..and her studio was jsut like the one i used to dance at. they won EVERYTHING. these girls are AMAZING. not even exaggerating. they breath drink eat live dance. dance is in their blood. i cant even explain how great these girls really are. oh god, id give anything to dance at a studio like that again. but it was so much fun watching all the dances. i can't wait for starbound in concord this weekend. hopefully maybe we'll do even better. |
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| It's nice when reality gives you a big ol' bitch slap. |
[Mar. 30th, 2006|05:54 pm] |
Well Reality has finally really set in. I don't know what to think of anything anymore. It's been made very clear that I have issues and problems that I need to deal with. Right now it's been really hard and these have been the only ways I've found to make myself feel normal for even a little bit, although that makes no sense cause everything I've been doing is so destructive. Honestly...I really don't think that anything I do will ever make my reputation good again. Because no matter what everyone will just still think of me as the way I am now. But I suppose theres no harm. Actually..first I need to change things and reevaluate everything for ME before I do it for anyone else. I'm just hoping that after some time people will realize that yeah, ive made some mistakes...ok a lot of mistakes...but that I've changed and I will continue to shape up and get back on the right track. I'm not a bad person, I'm really not. I'm just so sick of trying to let everyone see that. So I've sort of given up lately. I don't know what else to really say without giving my entire life story..and that's really none of anyones buisness anyways. But I hope that whoever reads this will view me in a different light and see that I'm really trying to change things for myself and get back on the right track. |
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| Reality Check. |
[Mar. 21st, 2006|06:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | DEVESTATED | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I Will Take You Home...ironic, eh? | ] |
umm yeah COOL?! God I'm so fucking PISSED OFF and UPSET. I want to seriously just leave. Oh but guess who can't. oh right ... ME. It's nice to know that my dad is still clean, and paying his child support. That'd explain why were struggling so hard for money these days. FUCKING LOVELY. God damn I dont' feel like typing this shit. I'm taking a shower. |
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| Beer, Hair Dye, Bowling. |
[Mar. 19th, 2006|10:27 am] |
So QUITE the weekend. Friday night I had dance..then went to Troy's with Britt. Holy shit..ok so the next morning Britt and I were pulling out of Irvings, and theres this old man in the passenger seat in this truck FLYING by. And this guy had this arms out straight in front of him, clenched fists, bouncing up and down at like 30 mph it seemed. It was a mix between giving a pretty intense hand job and milking a cow. The FUNNIEST thing I have EVER seen in my life. So then I came home and slept until I had to go to dance. Then Ashley and I hung out for the rest of the day. We looked at some apartments (which were complete pieces of shit) and wandered around. We went to Walmart to look for makeup for competition in 2 weeks. And we decided to color eachothers hair. So we went back to her Aunts house and did it. She's still blonde, just blonder. And I'm still a brunette, just lighter brown. I haven't decided if I like it or not, and I'm afraid to come to school lol. So i'll be the one wearing a hood. Anyways..then I went bowling with Nick, Meghan and two other kids. It was fun and I have the oddest bowling technique. It's like I'm ripping my arm out of the socket haha. And I officially SUCK at pool. But yeah, then I went back to Nick's house to wait for Ashley to get home and watched a movie. So now I'm home doing nothing and procrastinating until work. |
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| Really NEAT people.... |
[Mar. 15th, 2006|07:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Uncle Johns Band | ] |
Ugh. This is probably the most annoying thing I have ever experienced in my entire life. I'm so sick of people telling me who I should and shouldn't like..and who I should and shouldn't be interested in. BACK THE FUCK OFF. I hate it. I really do. Jesus christ...it's none of your buisness and if you say that you're just saying it because you care..that's a load of shit. A BIG load of shit. And you know, it's even better when your parents have so much faith in you. I mean parents are supposed to be encouraging and confident in you and whatever, right? Key word - supposed to. Well apparently I'm not going to be any good at tennis. In fact, I'm going to downright BLOW. And I guess there's no point in doing these extra curricular activities if I'm not looking at it as a career or to get any scholarships and if it's going to interfere with everything else. WHAT A LOAD. Seriously...just because you decided to play a sport or try something you might enjoy does NOT mean you have to do it to get a scholarship or to go into it as a career. Honestly. Am I not allowed to just do it to have F.U.N? I guess not. They fucking did this with basketball too. Except for my dad. He pretty much tells me to try ANYTHING I want and is all gung-ho for it. But my mom and Joey like to easily squash the little confidence I have. It's really a lot of fun to listen to. |
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| Got Issues? |
[Mar. 12th, 2006|10:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  distressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I will take you home | ] |
Actually..I don't even know. Good night. |
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| Vacation |
[Mar. 5th, 2006|10:47 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
Well last day of vacation...unfortuately. Actually...vacation wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I didn't go out as much as I had hoped...but I still went out and had a good time. Now school starts again tomarrow. BLeh. That's going to blow. Especially since I have a shitload of homework that I procrastinated on all week. So now I have to do that and help clean the house since Joey is putting in rug again. That'll take a while. But HOLY SHIT. I can not believe my parents are agreeing to this. May 6th I'm going down to Connecticut for their prom. I'm so freakin excited you have no idea! Anyways..enough about that. I'm going to go stop procrastinating and get some of this shit done. |
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| Winter Carnival |
[Feb. 26th, 2006|11:23 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Magic Carpet Ride (again) | ] |
So Winter Carnival was actually a lot of fun. Luckily I didn't stay sick. That would have sucked. And I must say Chris Ohara was the best date. haha. He busted out some pretty sweet dance moves. Even attempted the robot. Aw it was so cute, he even bought me a corsage! I didn't wear it, only because I knew id get it ruined, and it was way to pretty for me to go and do that. Dances are always way more fun when you have a date. Unless you just don't care about that. The last song though I didn't dance with Chris. Tucker and I were going to dance the next slow song, however, someone else asked him. And then I spent like 3 minutes trying to find Chris and he was no where to be found. Oh well. But Sara, Britt, Carolynn, Kayla and I all got ready at Saras house. That was interesting. And of course we ran late, but not by much. The DJ was decent. I've heard better, but then again I have heard worse. But it was a school dance, so what can you expect? But I'm exhausted and feel the need to go watch a movie or something. Then gotta go to work. |
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| RANT RAN?! |
[Feb. 25th, 2006|11:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Oooh Child. (haha oh michelle) | ] |
I just got home like 15 minutes ago, and while I was waiting for my mom to come pick me up I was talking to Michelle online. I haven't really talked to her in a while, at least not as much since she moved. But we talked for soo long this morning and were going to hang out next week soemtime over break. I'm so excited. I can't even explain how excited I am. I think I'm more excited for that than I am for the dance tonight. I love that girl its amazing. She's the type of friend where you do and say the most random things...get into trunks, RANT RAN?, put on mascot heads, build forts, walmart and shaws runs, etc etc etc...and you don't care whether you look like a complete retard or not. You don't feel like you have to constantly impress her or try to be someone your not. We get into fights sometimes, but theyr all pretty silly. But 95% of the time when we do it's only because she is looking out for my best interest and doesn't want me to get hurt. And that is something I can respect. The other 5% is just because I annoy her sometimes haha. But anyways, Michelle has stuck with me through EVERYTHING. And even though she is only 20 minutes away and does come home a lot..it's still not the same seeing her in school everyday. I know it sounds pretty silly but I miss her a lot. More than you could imagine. It's just like how I when I moved from CT up here, I knew I had great friends. I cared for them a lot and I knew I'd miss them. But I didn't realize just how great they were and just how much I'd really miss them until I actually did move. Michelle has always been my best friend, I've always loved that girl, and it's pretty obvious I know I'd miss her. But I guess I took her friendship for granted. Because now that I don't see her everyday and now that things are different I appreciate everything she's done more than ever. I FREAKIN LOVE YOU MICHELLE KING! |
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| Birthday Dinner and Moose usually does the trick. |
[Feb. 19th, 2006|09:41 am] |
Quite the weekend adventures. Let's see...friday night I had dance, which sucked because I haven't been in like 4 weeks. Then Britt came and picked me up and we went to Applebee's for Jenna's birthday dinner. But we stopped at the Irvings in Littleton so I could change and try and look presentable. Anyways so it was Me, Britt, Travis, Jared, Pete, Hillary, Kori, Sean, Matty, Michaela, Toby, Ben and Jenna. I think that entire restaurant hated us. We were so loud. haha. but it was a lot of fun, and jenna looked like she enjoyed it alot. Which is a very good thing. Will Smith was playing in the bathroom and Matty went and danced to it. THAT was entertaining and probably the funniest thing I've ever heard of. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. So then Britt and I decided to take a little trip to Troy's for a while. We only stayed for a few hours because we both needed to be home by 12:30. It was fun though, Chris Colongeli and Dan Parcell were there to. And just my luck Chris spilled beer all over my pants so it looked like i pissed myself. So troy lent me a pair of sweatpants. It was still hilarious though. But ahh me and britt almost died. ok not really. but we ran over a telephone wire and almost hit something. it was so scary on the ride home. So saturday night we went over to Troy's again. This time a little more eventful. Same people came over. We ended up watching Dodgeball twice, for some odd reason. Then started playing some drinking games. Caps first..which I am not good at. But a lot better than beirut. Then we played mooose. Now I've never played moose, nor have i heard of it, so that was an adventure. Unfortunately I got the moose twice and it was probably the worst thing I have ever tasted. Not to mention the smell. The first one was a mixture of this gatorade and vodka drink...kaluha....beer...and something else. The second was just beer and vodka. But disgusting just the same. Chris and I tied for the third moose, but he was kind and he took it considering I was already "under the weather". Thank god. I was planning on going home that night, however at this point I was way past the point of no return. There was no way I could go home. So I called Myles, because Troy wanted him to come over and hang out for a while anyways, to see if he'd come pick me up and I'd go to like Matt's or something and crash. He said he would but never showed up. So I don't know what happened there. Whatever. So kindly Troy said I could crash at his house. So now I'm home recovering from the weekend and getting ready for work. |
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| Fucking mind games |
[Feb. 16th, 2006|09:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bubble toes | ] |
I don't understand why I cease to learn from my mistakes. It really confused me as to why I can't just stop and forget about it all. It's really silly actually. I mean I am well aware of what is going on, with facts and people who are only trying to help. But I don't ever want to see it or admit that it is true. So instead I just keep digging myself deeper into a situation that will only hurt me ten times more than it is already. I'm such a fucking fool, and I'll be the first to admit it. Whatever. I'm fucking exhausted and still have a shitload of homework to do. Night |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 15th, 2006|08:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
Ugh. What a horrible day. I don't even know exactly why either. But, do you ever have those days where just everyone and everything irritates the fuck out of you? Well today was one of those days. Just everything pissed me off and I can't wait for this day to be over. Not to mention I'm getting very sick of all the petty comments that people feel necessary to say to me. And it's all based around my weight and size. They either say "wow, nicole your eating" or that I don't eat enough and when I do it's all health food, I'm too weak and not strong enough, but then they say that I work out way to much. Umm ok who the fuck are they to judge me based upon my fucking weight and shit? It really pisses me off because my entire life people have felt it necessary to comment to me about my size. So basically based upon that no one ever takes me seriously. So why do you think I never speak what's on my mind? Oh yeah, theres NO point. Because whenever I do they either a) laugh in my face (literally) b) just shrug it off and think nothing of it or think that i'm trying to be cool or c)show no respect for me at all. I'm almost positive everyone thinks I'm a total space cadet and I lack all common sense. But I'm going to go because I am expecting a phone call. |
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| MMMM |
[Feb. 11th, 2006|04:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pablo Picaso | ] |
So I finally went to the doctors. I went on Thursday and my doctor confirmed that I do have scoliosis. The good news is that its not serious enough for surgery and 99% most likely I wouldn't need a brace. And even better I don't need to quit basketball or stop doing dance. So that is a major plus. So then I went to the hospital at 6am, had to wake up at 4:30 mind you, to get some xrays done. My results should be back by Monday, and we'll figure out whether I need physical therapy or whatever else.
Yesterday we had another game. And my dad decided to come up. Surprisingly, Sheryl came up too. Which was such a nice fucking surprise. I wasn't sure if I was excited to see my dad or nervous or just not wanting him to at all. But it actually wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be.
Anyways...so I'm just staying home for the weekend. Joey has a couple friends up so theyr all going out so I have to babysit for the night. |
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| Let me show you a chamber.... |
[Feb. 5th, 2006|01:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
What an interesting weekend, thats for sure. Went to Kelly's last night. Molly Alexa Liz Amelia Dan Haywood Steven Bonnie and I were all there. The whole night is much of a blur right now but it was fun. Liz and I got locked in a "chamber", as she liked to call it haha. It was very random. We did happen to play some very gangster music though, that was entertaining. Liz wanted to get ahold of Mike but we didn't know his cell phone number. So we called his house and asked his mom but she said that he didn't have it on and to take a message. So we said just to say Liz and Nicole called. I think we ended up calling again like 10 minutes later. I fell asleep on the floor and it was FREEZING. So now my back and neck are all out of whack. But right before I was going to bed I had the phone next to me and started making all these random ass phone calls. Like really really random. I ended up dialing a few numbers where I just made them up haha. So right now I am feeling very very sick. I almost never get hangovers. But this one is bad. So I'm going to go back to sleep now. |
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drinkupgohome's journal
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